My heart hurts so much

I realize from the picture it seems like things are back to normal but I assure you they aren't. I made this tart as a way to distract myself from the image of my beloved laying in the hospital bed; still unconscious and cold in a way he never felt before. It's been weeks since the accident, I just couldn't bring myself to talk about it. I don't know what I would do without him; I'm genuinely not even the same woman I was before I met him anymore. He healed something in me I didn't even know was broken and I find it difficult to do anything without him now. Most importantly, he reminded me I was never broken; just not loved properly. I almost don't have words for my feelings for him; I just know I want him back. If he dies I know a part of me will go with him and I'll never get it back. I don't know how to face that thought and I'm so scared. We've talked about doing so many things and didn't do much besides work and exist until Trevor was born. I knew it would hurt if he left me I just never expected him to actually do it; especially not like this. God this hurts; I thought it hurt when Shoji dumped me but this is killing me. I guess that's it for now.