Why? Just why?

I was feeling happy for once at making cute treats like the boba tea and sugar cookies here. Then I had Mom come over because I want her to see her grandson; we had a few minutes of decent conversation before she had to say again that she only really wanted to have Danny and the rest of us were essentially accidents she got stuck with and had to deal with. She asked in the next breath if Gabe and I are going to have another baby. Unlike her I would actually love another baby but I don't know if that's going to happen. To be honest I know it would be expensive and our place would be even more crowded but I would still love the baby if it happens and never say shit like that about them. I do know the older I get the more dangerous it is for me to have a baby but I love Trevor more than anyone else and despite what Mom says I am a good mother. I don't like Gabe's work schedule; another case of him messaging me that he was so sorry but he wouldn't be home again until after midnight because one guy quit and another never showed up. He told his boss they need to hire more guys or he's going to quit too; he can't hold everything together himself and is sick of trying. He absolutely has a point but I'm worried if he does get pushed to the point of actually walking off the job before he finds another job. I told him what Mom had said and the feeling of his arms around me and his beard tickling my chin as he kissed me were so comforting, I can't tell you how much that helped. I just need to be reminded that not everyone thinks I'm a mistake and some people actually do love me. I guess that's it for now.