Just having a tough day

I finally have a minute to think and breathe which for the first time might not be a good thing. I've already been feeling bad about myself since I gave birth to Trevor; I love him more than life itself but being pregnant was HARD on me. I'm still trying to lose the baby weight and am getting there, though it takes forever. It also made my hair thin in some places and I hate that. Leave it to Mom to come over uninvited and make me feel worse though. I fed both my beloved and Trevor before eating anything myself and she had to make a comment on the fact that I had 2 pieces of toast. I made the mistake of daring to eat some fruit in her presence too. 🤬🤬🙄🙄 Trevor has his father's appetite;trust me, he eats. I made my beloved chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, he ate too; let me have this. I also made my beloved homemade chicken noodle soup because it seems like everyone has gotten sick since it got cold and I thought this might help him fight off any illness lurking with his friends and coworkers. Plus, he loves this soup. I don't think she would ever say shit like this to anyone else and have to wonder why she treats me like that. She knows my weak spots and just enjoys twisting the knife where she knows it's going to hurt most. I love her and didn't want to kick her out of the house but she needs to learn this isn't going to fly anymore. I've spent literal decades of my life helping her, never asking her for a God damn thing, and I get nothing but judgement and condescension. She just has this way of making me feel so guilty and worthless, no matter what I do or say, and I hate it. I was so happy when she wasn't here, though I know she needs me. I went to comfort her the other day and she still can't just say something nice or at least not insult me. It's at least partially because of her that I have to convince myself I deserve the most basic things, like food and rest. I have to convince myself I deserve to be happy and loved, because she never made me feel that way. It's partially because of her that I work so hard to try and make others happy, because maybe then I'll deserve to be loved in return. It's very tough to learn that I don't have to earn love. I guess that's it for now.