I can't and won't apologize for my language or the things I said in my last entry; I meant every God damn word. I'm trying to make certain the man who dd this is punished and think it's absolute bullshit that I even have to worry about this. I will say again how much this reminds me I have to lose now; and how grateful I am that none of it is going anywhere. It's still cold and not very nice out but things are getting better, which means my beloved finally getting to come home at a reasonable time. I'm beyond grateful for him; one of the things he mentioned was how grateful he is that he has me, and for all the love and patience I have for him. That absolutely goes both ways; he stayed home with Trevor today so I could go see Mom. My aunt called Mom from the hospital Monday morning, saying she had to have an embolism near her clavicle removed and has to be on blood thinners for the rest of her life to try and make certain it doesn't happen again. Mom called me, upset and on the verge of tears, afraid she could lose her sister too. Of course I went to her, and I was glad I did. Gabe said " Go take care of your mom. I've got Trevor; your mom needs you." I threw my arms around him; the word love falls short of the depth and enormity of my feelings for this man. How did anyone ever hurt him? I made pork roast with mashed potatoes and gravy and homemade stuffing for him when I got home; he deserves more but in the moment that was all I could do for him. I told him once that part of the reason I love him like I do was that he sees and loves me for exactly who I am and very few people do; it felt good and safe to be around him which is something I hadn't felt in ages. He gave me this smile and just held me, saying I had no idea how happy my words had made him. Again I meant every word of it. If that isn't some soulmate shit I don't know what is. I still find myself questioning if I truly deserve to be loved like this but far less often. I don't really need reminding of how lucky I am but writing this did, and that's why I don't understand why anyone would go after me. I never invited the attention of these men; but they seemed to feel like I owed them something. I never spoke to them, don't know any of them, and haven't kept the fact that I have a husband from anyone. I took the pictures I posted of us down after certain of these men said I was only with him because he makes decent money, then threatened to kill him and rape me. Who does that?!?!?! I think I need to force myself to let this go; it hurts and infuriates me to no end. I guess that's it for now.
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