This has already been a tough week and I found out something that made things so much worse. I found out someone made nude AI images of me and distributed them to anyone who asked. I'm well aware that it isn't just me this happened to and I don't claim to be a unique victim but it's taken me a few days to calm down enough to sit and write this. It was someone who felt like he had a right to my body and falsified these pictures because I refused and ignored him. Pictures used to humiliate and intimidate me but I won't let him get away with this. I've already reported the pictures, demanded they be taken down, and deactivated my X account. I don't need to be there anymore if this is the kind of shit they allow. My Instagram account is probably also being shut down because I get nothing but harassment from men who think they should have whatever they want from me, regardless of how it makes me feel or how it affects me or those I love. I never posted anything close to a nude picture and never fucking will. These brainless, pathetic dip shits have no right to treat me this way and I don't want the filth they created because they could never have the real thing to be used against me. I try to maintain a decently optimistic tone here but now I'm just angry. Who do these losers think they are? I've had men who had no sense of boundaries or decency before but this is absolutely overstepping every line that exists. I have a family, friends, and a job; this peace and happiness have been too hard won and I will be God damned if I let anyone take them from me. My beloved and I have been trying to tone down our swearing for Trevor's sake, but he can't read yet and this is bothering me so much. He's been nothing but sweet and supportive as always, but this is a battle I have to fight on my own. He knows I can and will fight for myself but it means so much that he wants to defend and help me. He's been working nonstop all week; no time off or much time at home. I can't tell you how much I love and miss him, or how I feel complete again when I'm in his arms. Those few hours we have together every day sustain me. We had another moment this morning where we truly didn't want to separate and just clung to each other for as long as possible. " I'm so sorry things are still so busy. I never meant for work to get so out of control. I know I need to be here more for you and Trevor, and promise you we're going somewhere when this snow storm is over. I love you so much" were the last things he said to me before grudgingly taking me off his lap and getting into his truck. I'm not going to lie, I almost asked him to stay. If I didn't know he would get in trouble I would have. I've never felt a physical lack of a person more than with him; I NEED him with me. We both feel incomplete without the other, 3 years into our relationship. My friend, Brian, and Corey were both commenting again on how we still shower each other with love; Corey lamenting that his marriage didn't last much longer than 3 years and Brian lamenting that his wife just tells him what to do and expects everything from him with her giving him little to nothing in return. Maybe part of the problem is they're not compatible as people or they don't always do enough to express their love for each other. I shouldn't talk too much considering this is the first healthy relationship of my life but I do feel like I know what works for us as a couple. I know Mom finds our hand holding, sitting impossibly close together, gazing into each other's eyes bit kind of nauseating but it's how we actually feel. He put it as two parts of the same soul in two different bodies, and that's pretty damn accurate. This is one of the few truly great things to ever happen to me and God damnit, I'm going to enjoy it. I guess that's it for now.
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