I still haven't been able to fully process my feelings about Mom but I'm attempting to once again turn the other cheek and not cut her off after she said something that hurt me. Granted, nothing she's ever said has hurt this much. I generally am forgiving but this was too much. I honestly tried to be the best daughter I could; I never got in trouble, always got perfect grades, took care of my younger siblings, did my best to do what she asked of me and never gave her any trouble. Is there anything else I could possibly have done? I've been asking myself that question about a thousand times, just bouncing it back and forth in my mind. I still don't know what to do and I hate that. I mean, logically, if she didn't want me it shouldn't matter to her if I never speak to her again. I still (stupidly) would feel awful about cutting her off though; I somehow feel like I would be the one in the wrong. I (of course) made some delicious meals for my beloved and miss him every second we aren't together. I also saw this morning that Dir En Grey are working on a new album and that makes me happy. I haven't had a new album from them in almost 4 years and I honestly can't wait to hear it. Their last album was incredible and I listen to it on a regular basis. I guess that's it for now.
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