This has been yet another ridiculously busy week and I hate that. I nearly began crying in traffic on Wednesday; I didn't sleep well, half my body hurt, and I was so anxious. It doesn't help that it was 90 degrees and I felt like I was melting. I was worried about Gabe, money, and the baby. I was anxious that we're both working ourselves to the bone and it still won't be enough; we'll be crammed into this little apartment and there won't be room for everyone and everything. Again, not that this isn't everything I've ever wanted but I'm scared. Of course I went and threw myself into his arms and absolutely didn't want him to let me go. He held me, kissed me on the forehead, and tried to calm me down. I love him so much; and it did help. I took Mochi to the park again and the way the sun shown through the leaves was beautiful. I very much need to relax. This is why I say we need a simpler life. I needed something to eat and this sandwich with plantain chips fit the bill. I feel like I do nothing but eat right now and I hate it. Our 2 year anniversary was a few days ago and I made this meal as neither of us has the energy or money to go out this month. He held me extra close this morning, trying his best to delay going to work. He's a bit nervous about the new project they're starting today, there's a lot they need to do and they never seem to have enough time. I should explain about the guitars in the picture; they were Trevor's, and Gabe got them when he passed. He and Trevor had harbored dreams of writing and making music when they were younger and Trevor could play but never really made it anywhere with the music. Gabe wanted to write the lyrics and help his brother make music. He told me he's going to sell the guitars and all his equipment to help make extra money for the baby. I can't tell you how touched I am by the mere thought that he would do this but I don't think I can ask that of him. I know how much his brother meant to him and these guitars are a piece of him left behind, meant to remind him of the brother who loved him. Gabe claims Trevor would understand and want his niece or nephew well cared for. This man knows exactly how to make me cry, being so selfless and sweet. I still can't ask that of him, no matter how much he claims it's okay. I couldn't sell any of the things my dad gave me when he passed, and he treated me terribly. I guess that's it for now.
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