I wanted to start with some pictures from the absolutely incredible ahows we went to last night and the night before. The Birthday Massacre and Lacuna Coil didn't disappoint for a second. I didn't get a lot of pictures because I wanted to just be there and enjoy something he had worked so hard for. He definitely enjoyed Lacuna Coil more but I saw him bobbing along to some Birthday Massacre songs too. I took that picture of Chibi because I absolutely love her dress and wanted to see if I could find something like that. He held my hand throughout both shows and we danced a bit to The Birthday Massacre, but I couldn't help but notice how tired he was at the end of the night, even asking me to drive home so he didn't fall asleep at the wheel. He seemed to nod off and I drove carefully so as to let him nap a bit. He always drives when we're together, so that was a huge tip off that he's exhausted. When we got home I gently woke him and we went inside, him quickly showering and brushing his teeth while I checked on the pets and the security cameras and alarms. I cleaned myself up, brushed my teeth, and crawled into his arms. He gave me a soft kiss, said "I love you", and was out. He may have been asleep but he was clinging to me again, clearly not wanting to let go. I snuggled closer to him and couldn't help but wonder what he goes through without telling me. That was Friday night after the Lacuna Coil show. He came home Thursday night and laid his head on my chest, saying simply " Today was terrible. Just let me hold you for a bit. " He wrapped me in his arms and just held me silently, maybe drawing strength or peace from me. After a bit he let go but the weariness and tension hadn't totally left his face. He said this week they managed to get 8 days worth of work done in 5 and his boss said that still wasn't enough. Of course I knew it was something with work because it always is. I lay there Friday night thinking about that and it scares me what they expect of him. With the baby coming I know he's even more motivated to work but I'm so scared he's going to get hurt or worse. He was up early again and I really didn't want him to go. I feel guilty in a way for getting pregnant because having a baby is so expensive. Not that we don't love and want the baby but it's a contingency we hadn't necessarily planned for. He truly isn't the type to complain over nothing, he isn't the type to complain at all, so when he says something is terrible it actually is. I complain often about how they treat him, and I don't know if it's going to get better. I worry they're just going to keep pushing him until he can't do it anymore. I know he had fun at these shows and needed a break even worse than I did but I feel bad that he spent good money on the tickets too. This was the first thing in what feels like ages we've done for fun and I do think we needed it. I guess that's it for now.
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