I'm glad that Gabe is feeling a bit less exhausted this morning, though he's still so tired. He at least got a good night's sleep last night and deserves more than that. I made him a decent breakfast and dinner last night; it turns out grilled cheese and tomato soup is a comfort meal for both of us and that's what he wanted to eat. I got my veil in the mail this morning and it's beautiful. I still need to figure out what to do with my hair for the wedding but at least I have a great veil ready. He saw me open the package when he came home for lunch and said " You're going to be the most beautiful bride in the world. " He wrapped his arms around me, placing his hands gently on my belly and I felt such happiness I almost can't explain it. I had almost convinced myself the whole husband and baby thing wasn't going to happen for me yet here I am with just that on the way. He most definitely didn't want to leave again this morning and it always saddens me to see him leave. He said again how busy today is but wanted to eat at home; luckily his boss let him. He makes time for us always and I love that about him. Of course he sends me "I love you" and "I miss you" messages throughout the day and I hope he never stops. I wonder sometimes how we would be if we hadn't met or if we had never started talking and spending time together. I actually saw Shoji yesterday and I felt absolutely nothing for him. He looked older and run down, not at all handsome like I used to think he was. He tried to talk to me, saying how great I look, and I ignored him entirely. I want nothing to do with him ever again and he knows why. He knows what he did to me and how he hurt me. I can let him be but I want him completely away from me and out of my life. I told Gabe about that and his face darkens every time I mention Shoji. He hates him for how he treated me; he saw me cry over him far too many times. It made it so much more difficult for Gabe to even speak to me at first because I was so scared and guarded around him; I genuinely thought he was another guy who was just there for my physical appearance and didn't care at all how I felt or what I thought. It took months of Gabe being sweet, patient, and understanding before I would even entertain the thought of him being at all serious about me. I admit to some extent I did try to push him away and keep him at arm's length until I realized I didn't want to and that being with him made me feel better. It was a few months before I realized my feelings for him had changed, then I saw him falling for me too. It was obvious on his face that he was in love with me, but we both tried to deny it. I know I didn't make loving me easy at first but I'm so glad he stayed with me and didn't give up. I guess that's it for now.
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