God damnit....

I had started today in a good mood, early morning vomit session notwithstanding. I made a nearly perfect matcha latte this morning and found a veil on Dolls Kill that looks like it would actually work as a bridal veil; it was even on sale so I picked it up for about $17. Believe me, the bridal stores rip women off and I was happy with myself because I was saving money. I definitely won't be able to wear the dress I had originally wanted to now that I'm pregnant so I'm trying as hard as I can to get a decent dress without spending too much. Ordinarily the veil alone is $300-$400 there's no way in hell I can justify that. I remember my sister in law's dress cost almost $2,000 altogether and we don't have that kind of money. My brother married a rich lady, though they didn't stay together. Anyway, I had kissed my beloved goodbye and sent him to another day of insane work and prepared to ready myself for the same, making my latte and having a bit of toast as my stomach still hadn't settled. Then Mom just walks in uninvited and unannounced, and tells me I look tired and sick. " Mom, I did throw up, you know. I can't help that this is part of being pregnant." I said, frustrated with her and myself for immediately getting defensive. She just pushes my buttons and I think she enjoys it. " You're ruining yourself for this man. How could you let that pig get you pregnant?" She had a brief moment of realization that she had gone too far and tried to backpedal but I wasn't having it. "Mom, if all you have to say is negative shit about me and the man who will be my husband and the father of your grandchild maybe we shouldn't talk for a few days. I'd like you to go home." I was polite but I was so angry after she left I started crying. I didn't want to kick her out but there's no need to talk like that about either of us. Gabe has tried to get her to like him and I keep telling him there's no way it's going to work. She has her mind made up about him and that's just how it is with her. Yet I still feel guilty for telling her to leave. I know she's done a lot for me and I love her, I always will, but I won't let her keep talking to us like that. She wouldn't talk about Cory's ex wife like that; she tried so hard to get her to like her and she never did. Is she seriously so upset that I won't always be a available to do things for her that she's trying to torpedo the only bits of happiness and peace I've found in years? Does she want me to go back to being angry, alone, and hating myself but able to do things for her? That's unbelievably messed up if that's what she's thinking. I need to bring my love his lunch; I love that he's actually started requesting the sandwiches with the corned beef. I actually need to get more on the way home, the last of what we had is about to eaten. I guess that's it for now.