So many emotions 🤬😭🥰

I sit here with my coffee surrounded by our pets, trying to process what happened and the knowledge that I had been followed by this creep for months. My beloved insisted on getting security cameras and alarms in here and I feel a bit safer but also kind of guilty; like it's somehow my fault this creep tried to grab me out of my car. Of course he doesn't think so,but I can't entirely shake that feeling. He took a while to calm down; he didn't take the thought of anything happening to me very well. He's trying so hard to keep me happy and all I want is to do the same for him. He sent me these pictures of someone's Halloween decorations still up. Apparently they're in huge trouble with their Home Owners Association because it's March and those decorations haven't been taken down. I made mofongo for him; he likes it with shrimp, so that's how I made it. He called me on the one little break he got before lunch, and said he just wanted to hear my voice. He said "God it's good to hear your voice, my love. You don't know how much I miss you." He sounded so tired, I know he hasn't been sleeping enough again. I can ensure he eats properly but he needs rest. I (of course) told him how much I miss him and could imagine the smile on his face, he sounded instantly happier after that. He said" This is going to be another shitty weekend; if I didn't have you to come home to I don't know what I would do sometimes. I've rarely had anyone love me as much as you do and had almost forgotten what it felt like." I felt a lump in my throat at that; I know he meant it and I feel the exact same way. That right there is why I would do nearly anything for him. ♥️💕♥️💕 He said to tell him basically anything, he just needed to hear the sound of my voice. I told him I had gotten an email from Doll's Kill saying they might feature me on their Instagram page and he said " That's awesome, baby. I always thought you could be a model." I brought him the mofongo and he smiled and said " Holy shit. Baby, did you make mofongo for me? Seriously?" I got a huge, tight hug and kiss for that and was so happy to be able to bring even that small bit of happiness and comfort for him. He said it was delicious and the food seemed to cheer him up a bit, which is all I wanted. He said his back and shoulders were killing him and all he wants to do is come home and be with me; that's all I want too. I then got to thinking about how hard he works and how much money he's spent on things for me; clothes, makeup, shoes, jewelry, flowers, coffee, taking me to dinner every month on our anniversary, and tickets to shows. Granted I never asked him for any of that but I feel guilty about it all the same. How many hours did he spend in the shit to spoil me, you know? We split the rent and utilities but still, he buys things for me and I don't always do the same for him. I do other things for him to be fair but it still seems unequal. I was also thinking about what Dennis called him; a pathetic loser. In what universe is he a pathetic loser?!?! He has a good job, a nice ( if slightly small) place to live, a decent truck that runs, family, friends, and a fiancee who love him dearly. It seems like he's doing pretty well and basically has everything a man is supposed to so I don't see it. About his mom; I know she still loves him, she just doesn't always understand him. He understands that my situation with Mom is exactly the same; we do love each other but we have trouble understanding each other. He asked me at the beginning of our relationship he asked me why I always seemed so guarded and reserved, almost nervous around him, and I told him how from essentially the first day I started dating men had used, hurt and lied to me so I was essentially too scared to actually let my guard down and let him get too close to me. I had spent the better part of my adult life in survival mode and had genuine trouble turning that part of my brain off. I spilt my guts about everything to him, told him all the sad painful details and how deeply I had been hurt; telling myself it wasn't worth it to get close to another man and I would be alright alone. He noticed that I insisted on doing basically everything for myself, including lifting and moving the heavy awkward Christmas tree that's taller than I am and putting it into place, so I wouldn't need anyone to help me. The look on his face when I told him that proved to me he truly is different, and wasn't going to treat me like the other men did. He wrapped me in his arms and said " You don't need to do everything alone anymore, let me take care of you. Let me love you, because I do. So so much." I became a sniveling, crying pile of mush in his arms but have felt safe there ever since. It wasn't necessarily easy to accept and surrender to my feelings but I'm unspeakably glad that I did. I suppose that's it for now.