It's been a long week 🥱🥱🥱🥱

I want so much to just have peace and quiet but this week has had very little of either. I made a rather quick breakfast this morning, and had to listen to more of Mom's "advice" on how to run my life, and more criticism of my choices. She insists that I do the bare minimum every day, focusing more on my appearance than anything else. If I'm honest my hair is a bit messy most of the day and I take maybe 15 minutes to do my makeup; I just know how to make the best of my hair style and know colors work well for me. Usually black and red are all I wear. She thinks I do this to somehow make life easier because I'm pretty and I had to ask when my life has ever really been easy. I couldn't keep my mouth shut, she knows how things have been and that I haven't been spoiled and handed anything and I found it so insulting. She also knows how insecure I STILL am and that some days I can't even look at myself. I explained all of this to my beloved and he said " Sometimes I think she's jealous of you, baby. She sees how well we work and knows her relationships never worked out. She might wish she had what we have. I think sometimes it upsets her to see you happy because she isn't." How this man knows my thoughts; I have to admit that had occured to me too, though it's not at all fair. I had fully expected and prepared myself to die alone and was okay with it but that's changed entirely now. I have to reiterate that neither of us expected what happened between us to happen and both tried to deny it but we also want to be happy. Why should my happiness make her unhappy? Isn't she supposed to want a happy life for her daughter? I had been thinking of why she's always so tough on me and was talking again to Gabe last night but he always makes me feel better. The one bit of peace and quiet was laying there with him, cuddling under the full moon. We did a few rituals under the moon but had to go bed pretty soon after because he has to be up at 3:30. Supposedly their projects are going quite well this time so I'm hoping they get done early and he can take it easier. I guess that's it for now.