Taking a day off

I elected to take today off and (thankfully) my boss absolutely understood why. I can't say I'm not still freaked out but seeing everyone else's reactions was painful. My entire family came to check on me and Gabe almost had to be dragged to work this morning; they needed him for a while but told him they'd let him go home early. There's a marathon in town tomorrow and the city is srambling to get everything ready. He just kept holding me and acted like I might vanish if he let me go. So I'm sitting here with a locked door and our pets. I told him how much I love that he's so concerned for me; no other men I've dated really cared when things got bad. They wanted to use me and parade me around like a trophy but didn't care if I was safe or happy. He said " I love you; of course I want you to be safe and happy. I started thinking what things would be like without you and I don't want that. You brought color and light back into my life and I don't want to live without that. I really don't want to think what would happen if that shithead had grabbed you. " I know this wasn't easy for him either. I wanted to show the dress I want to wear for our wedding and the bed I want for us. We have a perfectly good bed still and can't justify the expense of buying it. I thought maybe we could add some new linens and a canopy; it would be basically the same effect and much cheaper. I'm so tired; I hate that I woke up in the middle of the night picturing his hands yanking me out of my car. Luckily, as always, I woke up with my beloved's arms around me, and felt safe again. He still has to reassure me; almost 4 years after Shoji broke me. He still has to reassure me he isn't going anywhere and I'm safe and loved. I don't want him to have to keep holding me together but am so grateful he's still willing to do so. It's been almost 2 years and I promise I'm so much better than I was but am still healing a bit. I had to include a screenshot of one of the messages I got from a man trying to message me on Instagram today. This is a perfect example of the kind of man Gabe didn't want me to lump him in with and was afraid I would think he was. That's enough for now.