Trying to cheer up

I mentioned having self esteem issues before and they're hitting me quite hard today. I've been trying to cheer myself up with 2 of my favorite things; " The Lord of the Rings " and music. Mom came by to visit today and couldn't help but criticise everything, from the soup I was making to the way I made our bed. My beloved has been dragged back to work against his will and my better judgement. He did seem better but it's cold and wet out and I think that's just going to make him worse again. I just worry I'm somehow disappointing him, and I won't make a very good wife. Not that he said that, but Mom makes me feel like I'm doing everything wrong and I hate that. I just look at myself and see nothing worthwhile; like I'm the most hideous pathetic thing on the planet and no one needs or loves me. I fully realize this is in my own head but it feels more real than you know. Believe me I give everything I have to him and am happy to do so; I just have my days when I feel like I fall terribly short. She makes me feel so insignificant and that always makes me wonder if others see me the same way. Again, he showers me with nothing but love and praise; there's nothing I haven't done for him and he knows how much I love him, I just worry still that I'm not doing enough. He knows I have these problems and has done so much to help me get past it; I would probably still be the wreck I was if not for him. I hope he knows that. He makes me feel as wonderful as Mom makes me feel terrible, I can't explain it any more simply than that. He said he needs me for how I make him feel and she said she needs me because she needs something from me, you know? I hate these days and just needed to vent a bit. I would like to talk about "The Lord of the Rings" and why I love it so much. I got interested in it through my friends in high school and I was almost immediately hooked. The way Tolkien discribed everything and the characters he wrote, particularly Aragorn and Sam, are some of the best written characters I've ever read. Tolkien is a huge part of the reason I decided to pursue an English degree, along with Edgar Allan Poe. It still boggles my mind the way they could evoke such feeling and depth of emotion with a few words. This is something I know I could never achieve myself but it's something I aspire to in my mind every time I write. I know I'm not the only one who's been inspired by Tolkien, far from it, but it amazes me how much better he is than any author I've read. I knew in middle school already that I loved to write and had a modicum of talent for it, but Tolkien and Poe blew me away from the moment I started reading their works. It was fascinating to me that my university offered a class soley on Tolkien's works; obviously I took it and the all night study sessions were more than worth it, though I admit to falling asleep in my anthropology class for a few minutes once as a result of said study sessions. This is also the reason I can't get through the day without at least 3 cups of coffee. 🤣🤣 I guess that's enough for now.