Worried and annoyed

 The title of today's entry is obviously my current emotional state. I'm worried about Gabe working as it's pouring rain with thunder and lightning. He works with and around a lot of metallic things and for obvious reasons that makes me kind of nervous and worried about him. I know I tend to worry and they better send him home. I'm quite annoyed with Mom for being nosy, critical, and self-righteous. Of course she thinks she's helping and in her own way maybe she's really trying but I don't need her to tell me how to run my life. She thinks I have no direction in my life; I should be married and have children, and Gabe and I shouldn't live together until we're married. First of all, she lived with Dad before they were married and divorced him a few years later so she has no room to talk. Second of all I think he is planning to propose but I'm not going to rush him. As for children we both have doubts about our abilities to be good parents and issues with our parents. If Mom weren't almost constantly criticizing me and judging me I don't think I would have some of the self esteem issues I do. If his mom would talk to him I think Gabe would be in a better place too. She couldn't help offering criticisms of our house and my cooking either. 🙄I work almost every day and so does he. What are we supposed to do? Our house is never dirty and we still eat decent meals every day. I make sure we eat as healthy as our budget allows. Our house just isn't organized the way she would do it so in her view it's wrong. I never told her Gabe used to drink a fair amount; she never saw him drunk and I know she would hold that against him . That was how he dealt with his problems; he never talked about them and never really let anyone else in who could listen or try to help. I'm just imagining Dad's reaction to me getting married; he'd say something like "It's about damn time." He wasn't shy about telling me where he thought I was wrong in life, either. Coming from him that's almost laughably hypocritical. He was twice divorced and my oldest brother wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. I've never enjoyed being told what to do and get that from both sides; then they're somehow shocked when I turn out to have the same independent streak they do. To say nothing of the temper. I will say I think I have more patience and tact when dealing with people than either of my parents; because I didn't want to be rude and judgemental like Dad or thoughtless and mean like Mom. Yes, I know I'm being a bit harsh;  but I'm also long past the age where I believe my parents are perfect or infallible. I finally have a man I actually want to build a life with and she can do nothing but criticize, despite seeing how happy I am with him. He's done everything he could to win her over and I can still see the distrust in her eyes when she looks at him and hear the dismissive tone of her voice when she talks about him. This is why I didn't tell her about him for months!!!!! This is what I meant when I said I have some issues with my family too. 🙄🙄 We haven't had the longest relationship but it's a damn good one and I feel nothing but peace and happiness with him; he never puts me down or tries to make me feel bad. He never feels bad for me to be around, and because of me he hasn't had a drink in 9 months. He quit and I helped him. He talks about his problems now and doesn't bottle anything up anymore. I don't feel broken and unlovable anymore because of him. Shouldn't those be good things? Alright, I need to take a deep breath. I just hate that she can't seem to be happy for me. I guess that's enough for now.