So happy 😊

 I honestly think this is the happiest time of my life; having the right people in one's life truly makes all the difference. I love the little interactions with Gabe throughout the day until we can be together again when we get home. He was telling me what was going on at work and how bad it was while all I could do was offer my love and support. He said " I won't lie, baby. This  has been a really rough day so far and I needed to hear that. " His boss is expecting him and his guys to finish 2 rather big projects in about 10 days and I don't know how that's supposed to be possible. I swear to God if he ends up working 30 hours straight again I'm going to go down there and bust some heads.  I still get butterflies every time I'm with him and smile when I think of him; after over a year together. I know a year isn't a long time but this has been a stellar relationship so far by any measure and he genuinely makes me so happy. Again I apologize for constantly talking about him but you don't know how much better my life is with him in it. I'm also getting ads for engagement rings now whenever I'm online and that makes me wonder what he's been looking up. 😉 At least if we get married my mom would let up about that. I know she still doesn't understand him and part of me doesn't think she fully approves of him but at least she accepts him. Mostly because she can see how much happier and better I am with him. Not that she would have chosen him for me but thankfully it wasn't her choice. I was telling my best friend how he's done so much to silence those thoughts in my mind that tell me I'm unworthy of love, worthless, broken, and unlovable; which is how Shoji left me feeling. He sometimes lays his head on my chest and says "This is home" and I freaking melt. I feel the same way. Bringing each other peace and happiness should be a good thing, right? It's weird how having something like this seemed impossible and then it just happened. I've always been a bit afraid of being too happy and things seeming too good to be true; I think what happened with Shoji epitomizes that. I was so God damn happy and he just ripped that out from under me in the cruelest way imaginable. I do know if (God forbid) anything goes wrong in this relationship I won't have the strength to pull myself back up again. I couldn't handle losing him. The thought of it upsets me and hurts too much. I genuinely can't picture life without him now; like we both said, without each other we feel like something is missing. Is that weird? I can honestly say I've never felt that way before. Shoji and I did have some connection but not as deep and he was never really into hearing what I had to say nor cared much what I wanted or how I felt. At first Gabe was hesitant to even swear too much in front of me because he was afraid he might offend me; he didn't want to do or say anything I didn't like. I let him know he didn't need to do that but genuinely appreciated the thought and effort. Now of course we're totally at ease with each other and it's wonderful. It's all in how he treats me; I'll never forget the differences between them. Shoji was never terribly romantic and Gabe definitely is. One of my favorite memories of him from earlier in our relationship was when I still awake listening to music and he had been asleep for a bit; he wakes up to get some water kisses me, tells me he loves me, gets his drink, comes back to bed, kisses me again and wraps me in the sweetest , warmest hug of my life. This man owns my heart honestly. I seem to have rambled on again and should go.