Life Update pt. 2

 I have to admit in yesterday's entry I only mentioned the good (or more specifically wonderful) things in my life now without really touching on the bad. I lost my dad about 2 years ago. He hadn't been feeling well and had his appendix out. It had nearly burst before the hospital took him; they kept trying to tell him he was okay but one look at him would tell anyone quite the opposite. My mom and I went to go check on him one morning to see how he was and found him slumped over in his chair. There had been a rather serious infection that spread inside him and the hospital did nothing to help him. To this day I could describe exactly how everything looked and the image of my father's lifeless body. I started crying and so did my mom; we had to call the police and tell the rest of the family what happened as well as make funeral arrangements. It really didn't help that I lost my grandpa shortly after; then Shoji, my boyfriend at the time, dumped me. That was probably the lowest point of my entire life. I had just lost 3 of the men I loved most and didn't know what to do. I didn't get out of bed for a week, barely ate, slept and cried endlessly; I seriously had almost lost the will to keep going after that. I would talk to my mom a bit but that was about it; I cut myself off from nearly everyone. I even cut myself off from my best friend; someone who's been there for me through everything since I was 15. I obviously didn't know how to handle what had happened and shut down. My mom and siblings needed me and I wasn't there for them like I should have been. It took about a month before I really went anywhere or talked to anyone on a regular basis again; I had to claw my way out of there and didn't think how much easier it would have been if I had leaned on others. I went to a record store one day thinking maybe a new album would help cheer me up or at least help me deal with the mess going on in my head and heart. I was a little bit surprised to see someone else looking through the death/ black metal section of the store and saw a tall, handsome, man with the most beautiful eyes in the world. We talked for minute because we had both gotten the newest Behemoth album and he was a bit shocked to find someone there with the same taste as him. Little did I know at that point how important this man would become to me; his name is Gabe, and we've been together for a year now. It was at least partially because of him that I did heal from that shitstorm of 2 years ago. He has this incredible warmth and sweetness to him that turned out to be exactly what I needed; he's patient, gentle, thoughtful, and understands me without words. He had a few problems of his own; he didn't have the happiest family life and had a bit of a drinking problem when we met. He hasn't had a drink since September of last year; he quit drinking for himself mostly but also partially for me. I can't tell you how proud I am of him for that. He in turn helped me put myself back together again and showed me I didn't have to be afraid to love again. I had started to develop feelings for him after being friends for a few months but tried to fight them and tell myself I didn't need another man; I could be fine on my own. But at that point we were already talking every day; oftentimes falling asleep with our phones in our hands because we didn't want to let each other go. He told me out of the blue one day that he loved me and I immediately had to answer " I love you too" . He said he had been trying to fight his feelings too but couldn't help himself; which is exactly how I had felt. He was afraid to admit his feelings because he knew what I had been through with Shoji and he saw quite plainly what a mess he was dealing with then; he didn't think I'd want to risk getting hurt again. He had been through his share of shit with other women he had dated and we had both kind of given up on dating. I'm grateful every day for him. I guess I've rambled on enough for now.