Just pouring out my thoughts

 I apologize if I talk about Gabe a lot; I hope it doesn't get annoying. I just have to say he makes me happier than I ever believed I could be. He's quite busy with work today but still makes time for me; messaging me whenever he gets a break. That always makes me happy; because I know how hard he works and how tired he is at the end of every day. He'll come over after work and we'll be talking; he sometimes just falls asleep in my arms and I love it. I didn't really have that before and it's so beautiful and wonderful. To see and feel him relax and cast his stress and frustrations with work aside to sleep peacefully in my arms. I love seeing him smile in his sleep too. I remember after we had officially gotten together and admitted to all the feelings everyone else had known about for months we had wanted to go out for dinner; his boss ( which has become a habit) kept him late so we didn't get to go. He showed up at my place, flowers in hand, apologizing profusely, obviously fresh off work. He's the first man I've been with to ever bring me flowers; I really should have raised my standards. He was genuinely sorry and of course I forgave him. The only even minor argument we ever got into was about a month or so into our relationship he sent me a message that I didn't get and he got a bit upset. He was afraid he had done or said something and I was mad at him. My phone isn't the newest and doesn't always work like it's supposed to so the message simply didn't show up. We talked it out and I explained what had happened; even showing him that the message never showed up. He and I both overthink a lot and tend to worry more than is necessary; something else we bonded over. I think in a way we're both afraid of losing each other; we truly had expected to be alone for the rest of our lives. He had been with another woman he had been quite in love with and she broke his heart; she claimed to love him but in reality just stayed with him long enough for him to clear up her credit card debt for her then she dumped him; announcing she had been cheating with another guy for the past 5 months. She used him for his money and I'm sorry to say Shoji used me for my body. He straight up admitted it after dumping me; saying he just wanted a busty goth girl.  My shame and fury were about equal in that case. I hadn't been with him because I wanted anything from him; I naively believed he loved me as much as I loved him. He was very sweet at the beginning of our relationship but didn't stay that way; I also thought we had a lot in common and he and I could be happy together. I'm more angry now than I am ashamed; angry that I had allowed him to very very nearly destroy me. He never felt a shred of remorse and he knows God damn well how much he hurt me; I don't know what else to say. He wasn't at all the man I hoped he was. I only feel sorry for Gabe having to help piece me back together and deal with the insecurities and trust issues I now have because of him. I should mention; about 3 months into our relationship Shoji started cheating on me. He bragged about that too as he was walking out on me. He turned out to be a world class asshole. I love Gabe for being scrupulously honest with me and loyal; that's all I ever wanted. I was home about 8:30 last night and he messages me from work, seeing how I am and asking if I need or want anything when he comes over. I tell him I have everything I need as soon as he gets here and we begin to talk about an anime convention we want to go. I want to do a Tifa Lockhart cosplay and he immediately agreed; so sweet and wonderful. " Final Fantasy vii" is one of my all time favorite games and he knows how much it means to me. I guess that's enough for now.